I will never forget the day I hit the lowest possible point in my life.
I lost two amazing people over this past summer almost a month apart from each other, my great uncle and a family friend that I considered to be my goofy aunt. The one that hit me the hardest was my great uncle, being that he was still pretty young, and he was just the light of all family gatherings. Ever since he passed, I was terribly depressed and frustrated, trying to make sense of why it had to happen to him…and then remembered that this can happen to anyone at anytime. It still wasn’t fair to me and I couldn’t shake off being down all the time. Just when I thought things couldn’t get any worse, I ended up having a really bad depression episode and an existential crisis a couple weeks later, that lasted almost two months. I made horrible realizations that everything that I have been doing for the past decade has kept me from moving forward in life. I thought of how my refusal to change kept me in the same spot both mentally and physically…how I had no control over my behavoirs and emotions…how I was affecting my (now) 7 year relationship to the point where my boyfriend probably no longer loved me the way he used to or wanted me in his future at all (breathes). Then I thought of all the things that I could have been or could have had if I had been different back then. I was hurt. It was by that point I had enough, a fire burned within me, and I surrendered everything; NO MORE. I’m starting over, I’m making a change in my life. I’m not going to lie, I was f***ing terrified about what I had just done since I spent a majority of my life worrying about the ‘what ifs’ rather than just letting it happen. Since that day, I changed my whole outlook on life; I changed my mindset, created goals for myself, became more confident, became more financially responsible, and now, I’m trying my hand at becoming an entrepreneur…things I would have NEVER thought of doing back then. Whoo!
Now, I’m not saying that you have to have an existential crisis in order for you to start over (please don’t, they suck), but if you are feeling stuck, its time to reorganize and observe your surroundings. Here are a few pointers and what to expect if you want to get ‘unstuck’ and start pursuing the life you want and the person you want to be.
GETTING OVER BRICK WALLS
There is an entire world of opportunity you’re probably not seeing because there is a giant ‘brick wall’ blocking your view. This ‘brick wall’ can be anything in your life (like a situation, person, dead end job, emotions…ect.) that may be stopping you from getting what you want or moving forward with your life. You cant seem to find a way around or under it, and it leaves you frustrated and discouraged. This is where my favorite thing comes into play…Positive Psychology! You spent all this time getting frustrated and discouraged over finding a way around, did you ever stop to consider going up? AHA. When faced with a hard situation, it’s hard to think of happy things when all you want to do is punch something. But, a little positivity can go a long way. If you can put your mind to getting up and over that ‘wall’, you’ll be able to get to the top and see everything! Once you catch a glimpse of the opportunities that lie ahead, you will want to keep pushing and conquering brick walls.
HAVE A PLAN
It can be really exciting to get this revamp on life started, but don’t expect to get everything you want without having any idea of what you’re going to do. This is why it helps to have a plan before you dive head first into unfamiliar water. What made me fail the first few weeks with my ‘life flip’ was that I completely overwhelmed myself. I thought a few weeks would be enough to claim myself as a changed person…and boy was I freakin’ wrong. I went in with no plan and no idea what or how I was doing things. I had to regroup and sit with myself for a couple hours making lists (my goal keeping journal), doing research, and actually planning out how I was going to do this. Lest to say, it worked, and to this day I still refer back to my lists to help me stay on track. Once you have a plan put together, start working on it! Keep in mind that starting over means that you’ll be putting in a lot of time and effort pretty much for the rest of your life. This isn’t one of those 21 day things…but I’ll leave that for another post.
EXPECT TO PUT IN TIME…A LOT OF IT
I follow a bunch of great speakers and entrepreneurs online, and a phrase that I often hear pop up into their videos is expect to put in a lot of time into what your doing and expect it to take time. This is very valuable advice to keep in the back of your mind when you are a month or two into starting over and you barely see any results. As mentioned earlier, this is NOT one of those glorified 21 day fixes. Although they are great for getting into the swing of habit forming and bettering yourself, it doesn’t take just 21 days to do a whole ‘life flip’. It’s constantly ongoing, a lifetime commitment if you will. I’m now a little over a half of a year into starting over, and I’m still at it every day. You can’t expect results unless you put in the time!
REGRESS TO PROGRESS
This part is super important. If you think every day is going to be sunshine and rainbows because you have positive psychology and your daily mantra by your side, I’m about to deflate your happy bubble. You are going to have some pretty sh*tty days, some in which will go against everything you worked so hard for. And that’s okay! You must be thinking ‘what the actual hell, Xiamara. Do you find my misery enjoyable?!’, as much as I thrive on chaos, no, I do not find your misery enjoyable. However, I find your misery to be progress. Just because you go back a few steps, doesn’t mean you’re going to stay there. As a matter of fact, as the saying goes, fall down seven times GET UP EIGHT. Don’t think of your falls as setbacks, because you will always rise more times than you fall. It’s okay to regress, because in the long run, you will progress!
Starting over doesn’t mean the end of the world. It just means you get a second chance at pursing the life you always wanted. Push through your obstacles, climb your brick walls, work hard, put in the time, and progress no matter how many times you fall.